What To Do When Negotiation Fails?
Samantha is an alias, and not this individual’s real name.
Samantha sent me a message on Fetlife with praise about knowing exactly what I want. As you might expect, we got to talking in depth. Quickly I discovered she was not like my usual taste of women. She’s blonde for one, and I rarely find myself attracted to blonde women. Second, we had absolutely nothing in common; movies, music, etc. Thirdly, she was fiercely private. No play parties, no munches – indeed, nothing public. That said, Samantha is a very striking woman. We got to talking about her own interests in Master/slave relationships, and the conversations turned sexual very quickly.
Now, understand that I generally like to get to know new play partners. I prefer to play very hard and I like to negotiate over time as I get to know someone rather than just before a play date. I like to learn the things they enjoy, hear some of their fantasies, and make sure they have a good idea what they’re getting into.
As to be expected, I suggested coffee after our conversations took to texting. But being fiercely private, Samantha frequently said “I love your mind”, and eventually she wanted to skip coffee and go straight to playing. She ignored my suggestions to set up a “safecall” citing that she didn’t think it was really needed. So of course, being the fear-loving dominant I am, I had fun with it, touching briefly on all the things I was going to do to her. I instructed her on how to get to my apartment, not really expecting her to show. She did.
As soon as the door opened, I grabbed her by the hair and dragged her inside, not saying a word nor allowing her to speak. The next two hours were a whirlwind of slapping, spanking, flogging and cock-sucking. The next time we played I opened the door so I’d be behind her when she walked in, and threw a bag over her head. As one can imagine despite having nothing in common, we played quite well. She came, took a beating and left. And I’ll be honest, some of the filthy things this girl said rivals many play partners I’ve had over the years. She liked to play hard, she loved breast torture, and she wanted more.
By now its evident to me that Samantha is one of those “just in the bedroom” people. She loves the idea of being a slave in my home, but not in the day to day; someone who likes the fantasy of sexual slavery and being objectified, but not the reality of it as a “lifestyle”. Ordinarily this type of person doesn’t interest me much, but seeing as it was just play, it couldn’t do much harm could it?
After Christmas, we arranged to play again. I was feeling particularly mean, and I had foregone spending time with a particularly delightful lass to play hard. Some of the things that she was saying included:
“I want to beg u to stop as u destroy me, and u just ignore my pleas”
“I want every inch of my tits marked.”
“I am coming to c u tomorrow, I need to be under u. I need u to beat me to a pulp. I need my body and holes to ache, I need to be covered in bruises and b ur fuck toy.”
When Samantha arrived, it was business as usual. As soon as the door closed she had her hair in my fist and she was dragged towards the living room, thrown on her knees to be blindfolded. She was uncharacteristically affectionate after the following cock-sucking, and when I asked how she was doing she replied “Scared”. Stripped, blindfolded, a bit in her mouth, collared and cuffed I started to cane her breasts. Her horny texts about having her breasts marked in my mind, I started easily enough but soon had her moaning and squirming. She was dropping “fuck” bombs like you wouldn’t believe through her bit gag, and after a few near-misses as her hands reached up to protect her breasts I locked her arms behind her back.
As I started to notice she was getting close to her limit, I touched her breasts gently between unlocking her restraints and removing her bit. She started to calm and still blindfolded, I cropped her tits some more. This time however her protects were quite vocal, many cries of “ow” were heard, and I could tell she was crying. Suddenly, she says “okay”. I pause. Samantha lifts her blindfold up and says “My tits can’t take any more.”
After giving her some time to steady her breathing, I grab her by the hair and throw her over the couch. “Down,” I tell her. “Get that ass in the air.” She obliges. I grab my favorite crop, and listen to her delightful moans as I trace her ass with my crop. I hit her ass once to warm up. “Okay, I’m done.” She removes her leather herself, gets dressed rapidly and leaves, saying “Thanks” on her way out the door.
My mood took a nose dive quickly. I sat on the couch, toys everywhere and my cock still hard from hurting her replaying the time in my head. I was frustrated since we hadn’t played harder than previously, and she’s always been fond of breast torture. Moreover, she didn’t say “Yellow”. No safe words, red or even stop or no. Just “I’m done” and left. Even though I recognized the signs of Top Drop quickly, I kept on thinking that I had done something wrong.
I’ve written about Top Drop before, however this was quite different. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve had a scene end badly, but this was the first time someone had left so abruptly. We had negotiated heavily, and discussed wanting to push her limits.
I am still reeling from a profound sense of self-doubt.
What does one do when a scene is discussed and desired by both parties, but doesn’t go as planned? Reflecting over it the past couple days, I’d done everything right. In short it ended because she’d told me she wanted one thing and responded poorly to it when it actually happened. Some people like the fantasy of being a slave, or fiercely masochistic just as much as Dominants like the fantasy of owning a slave or hurting women. Some are equipped for it, where others demonstrate they are ill-suited.
We negotiate with new play partners to protect them and ourselves from harm. As I’ve recently discovered, negotiation does not mean that a bad scene won’t happen. Just as there are bad dominants, submissives can be bad apples as well. Not terribly profound or new a realization, but I will be more selective about those that I play with henceforth.